A strange thing happens when we set our sights on a goal. We convince ourselves that once we reach it, land the promotion, buy the house, and start the business, everything else will fall into place. That sense of fulfillment, of finally arriving, will wash over us, and life will feel the way we always imagined it would. But have you noticed that once the goal is reached, excitement is short-lived? Instead of feeling satisfied, are you already thinking about the next thing? Or worse, you feel an unsettling sense of disappointment, as if you’ve climbed the wrong ladder?
A while back, I had an experience that reminded me how easy it is to chase something, thinking it will be different, only to realize it’s more of the same. Many of you know I enjoy cigars; it’s how I relax at the end of most days. Sitting down with someone and enjoying a cigar takes time, which creates the space for deeper, more meaningful conversations and connection. It’s a ritual I appreciate, not just for the enjoyment of the cigar but for the conversations and relationships they foster.
So, when I was invited to join an exclusive cigar group, I brought a set of unexamined expectations with me. More meaningful conversations, a different kind of connection, maybe even a new experience that set it apart from the other groups I belonged to. But as I settled in, I realized it was just another version of what I already had. The people were great, the cigars enjoyable, but the experience was the same. I assumed reaching the goal and being invited to an exclusive group would change the experience. It didn’t.
How often do we do this? We imagine that a bigger house will make us feel more accomplished, a promotion will make us feel more fulfilled, or reaching a goal will finally bring the sense of success we’ve been chasing. Sometimes, those things do bring joy, but more often, we realize they were distracting us from what we may really want or need. We rarely honestly assess and question our wants; we just assume that if we want it, it must be the right thing. But what if we paused before climbing the next rung on the ladder? What if we asked, “What do I actually want from this?” If it’s success, what does success mean to me? If it’s connection, what kind of connection am I looking for? And whatever the answer, how will this improve my life?
I’m not suggesting that we let go of our ambitions or overanalyze every goal. But we should make sure that we’re moving in a direction that aligns with who we are, not who we think we should be or what we think should make us happy based on societal norms. Sometimes, a dream that once made sense no longer fits. Sometimes, we discover that what we want is something smaller, quieter, or entirely different than what we originally imagined. And you know what? That’s okay. 😊
The more space we give ourselves to question, reassess, and change course if needed, the more likely we are to find real fulfillment—not just the fleeting satisfaction of checking another box. So before chasing the next big goal, take a moment. Consider whether it’s truly yours. The answer might surprise you. And in that surprise lies the potential for genuine transformation.
“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.” – Dale Carnegie
Have you ever chased something, only to realize it wasn’t what you truly wanted? I’d love to hear your experience. Share your story in the comments or pass this along to someone who might find it helpful. Sometimes, the best insights come from pausing and reflecting together.
Have a great weekend.
-Vijay